A Day Out
by cheri1
Summary: Nine/Rose with Jack and Mickey. Nine takes his three giggling companions out for a day in London, including a stop at a restaurant. Crackfic.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is based on the scene of Jack, Rose, Nine and Mickey eating out and having fun while they're at the table.

Chapter One

Nine opened the door and let Jack, Rose and Mickey step outside. It was a sunny summer day in the heart of London and they were going to find somewhere to eat. They hadn't settled on a restaurant yet so everyone just decided to walk while they debated on where to go to eat. Nine could already see that his companions were in a silly, giggly mood as he locked the TARDIS door. They'd been that way all morning, chasing each other around and laughing and joking. He had been busy doing repairs so he didn't join in but he liked the laughter and happiness much more than terror and sorrow so he didn't complain. Ever since Jack joined them, the mood inside the TARDIS had been elevated. Jack knew how to work a room and keep everyone laughing and their spirits up and even though he was a bit annoying at times with the excessive flirting, he had to admit the man knew how to have fun and party.

"Doctor, you leave this thing out in the open," Jack said to Nine as he turned to his companions. "Anyone ever peed on it?"

"No," the Doctor said.

"How'd ya know? You ever check?" Jack challenged.

Rose and Mickey giggled when the two men just stared at each other for a moment before Nine walked past him.

"It's a fair question," Jack said shrugging as he turned. "I mean, what if some drunk is stumbling along with a full bladder and can't hold it any longer and he takes a whizz against your door?"

Nine rolled his eyes when his companions giggled at that.

"I mean, you're inside sitting on that seat of yours and hear the pee hit the door and you probably think it's raining," Jack said while Rose and Mickey laughed harder.

"And then the drunk knocks on the door because he thinks it's a port-a-loo," Mickey said.

"Let me in!" Rose said in a gruff voice while she mimed knocking. "Why won't this chap come out? I drank fifty four beers and I need to go now before my bladder explodes!"

The three companions chortled and Nine cracked a smile at that.

"Mickey, do that one night," Jack said to him. "Tell the Doctor you're going for a walk and then go outside and come back about twenty minutes later and start banging on the door and acting all drunk and needing to go to the toilet."

"Well gee, Harkness, now that you've said that aloud, I'll have fair warning if Mickey ever decides to go for some random walk," Nine said over his shoulder.

Jack ran up and put his hand on the back of the Doctor's head.

"Memory, be gone!" he yelled while Rose and Mickey laughed.

"Didn't work, Jack," Nine said smugly.

He frowned when Jack kept his hand against the Doctor's head as he kept pace with him.

"What are you doing?" Nine said aloud.

"I love your hair, it's so soft and fuzzy like a cute kitten," Jack said.

"Hand off!" Nine said.

Rose and Mickey laughed when Jack pulled his hand away.

"Gee, must be someone's time of the month then," Jack said, falling back in step with Rose and Mickey. "Okay, now a song…ooooh, we're going to eat, walking the street, using our teensy weensy feet. We're following the Time Lord because damn it, we're bored and he's cute to boot, oh my sweet Lord!"

Mickey and Rose bent over laughing and the Doctor smiled and shook his head at that. Jack noticed a few people were staring at him the moment he finished singing.

"YEAH, I SING IN PUBLIC!" Jack yelled at them while they passed.

He chuckled when Mickey blushed at that and patted his shoulder.

"So I take it, we're not going to any fancy restaurants today?" Nine said over his shoulder as they walked.

"We'll behave…sorta," Jack said.

Rose hurried until she was beside the Doctor.

"Wait, why are you with that fuddy duddy now?" Jack said.

"Yeah, Rose, we're much more fun," Mickey added.

"Because Rose enjoys being around adults," the Doctor said to them.

Suddenly Rose burst into song.

"I love the Doctor's hair, it's soft like a little kitten," she sang as they walked. "I'd like to take his hair and…"

She fell silent, trying to think of a rhyme.

"Yeah?" Jack said while Mickey chuckled. "What do you want to do to his hair?"

"Um…make a tiny mitten?" Rose finished sheepishly.

The Doctor shook with silent laughter while Jack and Mickey howled with laughter at that. The Doctor put his arm around her and squeezed her shoulder.

"I like that actually," Jack said when he recovered. "And the Doctor's hair is short enough that you could only get a tiny mitten out of it."

Suddenly, the Doctor steered Rose off to the right as they crossed the street. Rose gave the Doctor a questioning look but the Doctor said nothing and she allowed him to guide her while Jack and Mickey followed.

"What's this?" Jack said to Mickey. "Is he about to do something freaky to her?"

"Maybe give her an anal probe?" Mickey offered.

"In public?" Jack said. "How daring of him. We'll have such fun watching it."

"Why are your friends daft?" Nine said to Rose while they walked.

"They're your friends as well," Rose said.

"Not at the moment," Nine said.

The Doctor walked with her to an ATM machine.

"Ooo, he's gonna probe her while she's up against a cashpoint? That'll be really kinky," Jack said.

"Button it, Harkness," Nine said while Jack and Mickey chortled. "Rose, stand beside me and make sure no one sees me."

"Maybe he's gonna make love to her against the cashpoint," Mickey said.

"Can I join in then?" Jack said.

The Doctor pulled out his sonic and held it at the ready while he looked around.

"Oh, he's gonna stick that up Rose's butt, how very, very daring," Jack said.

Rose laughed when the Doctor flashed him an exasperated look before turning his attention back to the ATM.

"If you stick that inside Rose and turn it on, will she explode and the poop fly everywhere?" Jack said.

"No, but if you don't shut up, I'm gonna shove it in your eye, turn it on and fry what passes for a brain inside your skull," the Doctor said.

Jack walked around to his free side when he heard the wheeeee of the sonic and his eyebrows raised when he saw the Doctor using it to get cash.

"Wait, do you have an account at this bank?" Jack said to the Doctor as he took the money from the tray.

"Yes. And this is my account number," Nine said, holding the sonic up in front of him.

"Wait a frickity fart doodle moment," Jack said as Nine and Rose turned and walked away. "You lectured me on not cheating people and you just stole money just now? You stole something, Doctor, how is that different from me being a con artist?"

"Because, Harkness, when I do it, no one gets hurt or killed, like small boys wearing gas masks in the middle of a war zone," Nine said, stopping and looking at him.

"No one gets hurt? You took that out of someone's account!" Jack said, pointing to the money in his hand.

"No, I didn't and could you say that a bit louder so we can spend the day at her majesty's pleasure?" the Doctor said. "Do you want to eat or not?"

"I…guess," Jack said.

"I don't carry money so I needed to do this," the Doctor said, handing the bank notes to Rose.

"Wait, she's your accomplice?" Jack said, pointing to her as Rose put the notes in her pocket.

"No, she's my accountant. She knows how much things cost and since I trust her, she'll pay the lovely staff at the restaurant so we don't get to spend the day at her majesty's pleasure."

"And how many times has Rose had to pay the lovely staff at restaurants?" Jack said.

"Let's see…I believe this is the five thousandth and fifty second time. Not counting the tramps we pay off so they don't pee on my TARDIS. So are we ready to go now?"

"Oh, if we must," Jack said with a feigned sigh of resignation.

"Come along, Mickey, Rose. Jack, don't yell out on the way there that I just robbed a cashpoint or you'll be the one with the sonic up your bum," Nine said.

"And don't make a comment that you'd think that was kinky and fun," Rose said over her shoulder while Nine put his arm around her.

"Moi?" Jack said as he and Mickey followed behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"So…" Jack said as they walked along, "where should we go to eat?"

"Obviously somewhere that accepts children," Nine said, looking over his shoulder at Jack and Mickey.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Doctor. You're not a child," Mickey said.

Rose giggled when the Doctor shot him a withering look. He looked at her and his look became tender.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked her.

"Hello, we're back here. You need our input too!" Jack said.

"Yeah, she'll choose chips, we don't want chips," Mickey added.

"We want something else," Jack said. "Chips is boring."

"I like chips," Nine said smugly.

"You would," Jack said.

He spied a French restaurant down the street and stopped everyone. The Doctor looked at where Jack was pointing and gave him a withering look.

"With the way you lot have been behaving? You honestly think I'm gonna let you go in there?" he said, pointing to the restaurant.

"We'll behave, in fact…I'll make reservations for us," Jack said.

Rose giggled when the Doctor gave him a suspicious look.

"I'm thinking about whether or not to grant you permission," he said to Jack.

"Just…play along with me. You've seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off before?" he asked them.

Everyone nodded and he beckoned for them to follow him. He walked in the front door and looked around. There was a man standing at a podium near the door with a bored look on his face. His black hair was slicked back and he looked extremely snooty.

"Hi," Jack said, walking over to him. "Do you have a business card?"

The man gave him an odd look before walking over to a counter near the back. He pulled out a small business card from a holder near the cash register and brought it back to him.

"Thanks ever so much," Jack said graciously.

The man nodded and took his place at the podium. Jack beckoned to his friends and they walked outside. They walked to a bench by a bus stop and Jack used the card to dial the number for the French Restaurant. Everyone gathered around him while he waited for someone to answer.

"Howdy!" he said when someone picked up the phone. "Is this Maison Rouge? Yes, my name is Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago, and I need a reservation for four people?"

Rose and Mickey giggled at the Doctor's eye roll.

"I see," Jack said. "Yes, we can be there in twenty minutes. I'll have Barnes, my limo driver, meet me at the door to my hotel. You know, you have a lovely city here, buddy. I enjoy it muchly. What? Oh yes, I'm finished. We'll be there lickety split, you betcha! Bye!"

"That was childish," the Doctor said while Rose and Mickey laughed.

"Perhaps but we have reservations now," Jack said, putting his mobile back in his pocket. "So…Barnes," he said to the Doctor. "Take us to Maison Rouge, if you will."

Rose nudged the Doctor when he gave Jack a withering look.

"Come on, Doctor, drive us there," Rose said.

The Doctor glanced at her and grinned while he mimed holding a steering wheel. His companions laughed while he mimed driving them while they walked thirty feet back to the restaurant. When they entered, the man behind the podium was surprised to see them and even more surprised when Jack announced he made reservations.

"We aren't busy at the moment, sir," the man said. "You didn't have to make reservations."

"Well, you know, some fancy places require them," Jack said with a shrug.

The man grabbed four large menus and led them to a table on the left side of the building, next to a large plate glass window. The Doctor sat with Rose while Jack sat with Mickey.

"Here are your menus, someone will be along in a moment," he said to them.

"Much obliged, buddy," Jack said, taking his menu and giving him a winning smile.

The man rolled his eyes. Jack waited till his back was turned before puckering his lips and making kissy sounds.

"Sorry, the man was quite the looker," Jack said when he turned back around. "A bit snooty but I can fix that."

They opened their menus. Jack nudged Mickey.

"Snails, they have snails," he said to Mickey in a loud stage whisper as he jabbed his finger repeatedly at the listing.

"Don't care, I don't care," Mickey said, imitating his loud stage whisper while pointing repeatedly at his own menu.

"Oh come now, escargot need to be sampled once in a lifetime. Be adventurous," Jack said.

"I will if you will," Mickey said.

"Challenge accepted!" Jack said.

Rose laughed when the Doctor gave her a withering look.

"This should be interesting," he said softly to Rose.

"What about you. You having snails?" Rose asked.

"Are you?"

Rose made a face and shook her head.

"Oh come now," Nine said, doing a perfect imitation of Jack's voice. "Escargot need to be sampled once in a lifetime because if you don't, you're a dork!"

"I didn't say dork!" Jack said while Mickey giggled.

"Ooo, fancy the waiters in this place, I wonder if they'd do it for me on top of the French bread?" Nine said, imitating Jack's voice. "Perhaps a bonk in the baguettes then?"

"Wow, that's a really crappy imitation of me, Doc," Jack said while Mickey and Rose laughed hysterically.

A waitress came up, introduced herself as Cecile and asked them what they would like to drink. Everyone looked at the Doctor. The Doctor ordered a glass of Chardonnay and everyone did the same.

"Would you like anything for starters?" Cecile asked.

Everyone looked at each other and said "Escargot!" in unison.

"Everyone wants one order of escargot then?" Cecile said.

Everyone nodded and she finished taking their order and walked away.

"And get us our vittles quickly, skank," Jack said in a soft voice.

"Yeah, that's charming, Harkness," Nine said.

"I didn't say it loud enough for her to hear me," Jack said.

"Good thing," the Doctor said.

"I love women, they're beautiful, charming, intelligent creatures that deserve respect and…now, you fat cow!" he said when he spied another waitress on the other side of the restaurant. "Anyway, I was saying, women deserve our respect."

"You're asking for a punch to the face, aren't you, Harkness," Nine said while Rose and Mickey giggled insanely.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Where's our snails, you fat, bloated cow?"

Nine rolled his eyes when Jack said that aloud to another passing waitress.

"I knew this was a bad idea," he said to Rose.

"He's not saying it loud enough for them to hear, you gotta give him that much," Rose said.

"Thank goodness for small miracles," Nine muttered while Jack and Mickey giggled behind their menus.

"I think I shall start with something that has tons of wine in it so I can get pissed and annoy the Doctor even more, how 'bout it, Mickey?" Jack said to Mickey.

Mickey glanced at the Doctor. The Doctor gave him a pointed look.

"Actually, I better not since the Doctor barely tolerates me at the moment," Mickey said.

"Oh, screw the Doctor," Jack said.

Rose laughed when he froze and his eyes widened at the thought of that.

"Hate to burst your bubble but it won't happen in a million years, Harkness," the Doctor said.

"What about a million and one years then?" Jack said.

"We'll see when that happens," Nine said dryly.

"That's an open invitation then," Jack said, pointing at him.

Cecile brought them their glasses of chardonnay and plates of escargot. She set them down in front of everyone and took the tray back to the tray jack before she asked for their orders. She took everyone's order and left.

"Get me my bœuf bourguignon now, you slut," Jack said when the waitress was out of earshot.

"If anyone hears you say that, my fist will be in your face, Harkness," Nine said.

Instead of answering, Jack grabbed his plat of snails. The snails had been taken out of the shells, cooked and then placed back in the shells. There was a small fork on the plate that was used to fish the cooked snails out of the white shells. Jack pulled one out and showed the small piece of meat to Mickey.

"Well?" he said to Mickey.

"You first, mate," Mickey said, making a face.

"I've already eaten it. Come on, you wanted to do this. Just open up your mouth, put it in and chew," Jack said.

Nine was watching this. He picked up a shell and fished out the snail and held it out to Rose.

"You've eaten worse than this travelin' with me," he said to her.

Rose took the fork from him, stared at the snail for a moment before she popped it in her mouth. Mickey watched while she handed the empty fork back to the Doctor and chewed it.

"How is it?" Mickey said to her.

"Chewy but I like it," Rose said while the Doctor gazed at her proudly. "You go next."

Jack waggled the fork in his face and Mickey took it from him. They watched while he stared at the snail on the tip of his fork with disgust.

"French people are strange," Mickey said as he gazed at it.

"I'm sure French people think the same of you," the Doctor said while Rose laughed.

"Come on, Mickey, eat it!"

Mickey stared at Jack as he began to chant "Eat it!" over and over. Mickey rolled his eyes, put it in his mouth and chewed for a few seconds before making a face and spitting it out on his plate.

"Ugh, no thanks!" Mickey said, handing the fork and his plate of snails back to Jack.

"This is why I don't want him traveling with us," Nine muttered in Rose's ear.

"So he doesn't like snails, so what?" Rose said to him.

"I don't mind that he doesn't like snails," the Doctor said to everyone. "There are many things I don't like. That's fine. But think of it in this way. What if you're on some alien planet and you're among a tribal culture and they want you to eat a ceremonial dish that has bogeys and goo all over it and to not do it would be rude and you eat it, make a face and spit it out at their feet. Do you think that would go over well with the natives?"

"Spit it out when no one's looking then," Mickey said indignantly.

"What if you're in the middle of the village surrounded by the entire tribe?" the Doctor countered. "What if spitting it out would be seen as an act of aggression and you would be killed if you did that?"

"And I s'pose that's happened to you before," Mickey said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yes. Several times. I've had to swallow putrid, gooey stuff that make these snails look like custard tarts," the Doctor said. "And as for the French being strange…every culture has food that other cultures find odd. I'm sure there are some French people who find it odd to eat blood pudding. So just keep that in mind, Smith, if you ever do decide to travel with me full time."

"Ha, like that will ever happen," Mickey said, rolling his eyes.

"Well good, because I don't think you're cut out to be a full time companion anyway," Nine said.

"And Rose is?" Mickey countered.

Nine looked at Rose who was now eating the snails on her own plate with gusto. He looked at Mickey and gave him a pointed look.

"So? She likes snails then," Mickey said with a shrug.

"I'm companion material," Rose said smugly before eating another snail.

"So am I," Jack said smugly before eating a snail.

"I'm not and thank God for that," Mickey said before taking a sip of his chardonnay.

Nine shot an exasperated look at Rose and she giggled before fishing another snail out of the shell. While she was doing that, her mobile's ring tone went off.

"Oops, forgot that was on," Rose muttered as she quickly stood up and fished it out of her pocket.

"Sorry, it was from me," Jack said, picking up his wine glass. "Just phoning you to congratulate you on eating snails for the first time."

He held out his hand and Rose gave him a high five as she sat back down.

"Hey, Mum," she said into the mobile while Nine rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we're at a French restaurant in London at the moment, waiting for our food."

"We're not visiting her," the Doctor said to Rose.

"Um…I'm eating snails at the moment," Rose said to her mother. "They're good, actually. But Mickey doesn't like them."

"Got that right," Mickey muttered.

"You do realize we're in a fancy restaurant and you're on the phone in the middle of it?" the Doctor said to Rose.

"Mum, I need to go, the Doctor is whinging about being on the mobile in the middle of a fancy restaurant," Rose said.

She listened for a moment and then looked at the Doctor.

"She said to shut your gob before she comes down here and smacks your face in the middle of the fancy French restaurant," Rose said to him.

"I hate her mother," the Doctor said to Jack and Mickey when Rose went back to her conversation with Jackie.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"So…what's next?" Jack said when they walked out of the restaurant.

"Mum wants me to come and see her," Rose said.

"Well, Mum will just have to get used to disappointment then," the Doctor said with a shrug.

"She'll kill you if I don't come," Rose said.

"I got more lives, no worries," the Doctor said airily.

He frowned when Jack ran up to Rose, cupped his hands over her ear and whispered something to her.

"So…will you indulge me?" Jack said, taking his hands away when he finished whispering to her.

"What did he say?" Nine said when Rose began giggling.

Rose gave him a smug look. She took Jack's hand and suddenly the two of them skipped down the pavement, singing the Spice Girl's Wannabe at the top of their lungs while passerby stopped and stared at them. Mickey groaned while the Doctor shook his head in exasperation. They stopped after fifty feet and giggled as they walked back to the Doctor and Mickey.

"Don't come back here, I don't want people realizing you lot are with us," Mickey said to them.

"Yo! I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!" Jack crowed while Rose giggled. "Yes, I'm singing," he added to a stunned woman who had just stopped to watch him. "I pride myself on my singing. Ain't nothing wrong with carrying a tune."

"Nutter," the woman muttered as she walked away from him.

"And proud of it!" Jack yelled back to her while Rose laughed.

"Are you quite finished?" the Doctor said when Jack and Rose finally reached him.

"Um…no, I could do a jaunty sea chantey next," Jack said to him. "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum?"

"You're barking mad," Mickey said to him.

"Yes, I am. Took you this long to figure that out?" Jack said.

"This is the man who tried to sell us a space ambulance," Rose said to Mickey while she gestured to Jack.

"And I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for those meddling kids," Jack said to Mickey.

Mickey shook her head.

"I remember the good old days when everything was normal and you didn't have weird friends," he said to Rose.

"You mean the good old days when Rose worked at a boring job with no hope in sight?" the Doctor said.

"Exactly," Rose said, nodding. "Sod the good old days, I'm having a blast now!"

The Doctor beamed at that. He told everyone to follow him and he turned to go when suddenly he found himself face to face with a middle aged woman. The woman had blonde curly hair and she was staring at him with interest.

"Excuse me, I need to get by," the Doctor said to her.

"Sorry, sweetie," the woman said as she stepped aside.

Nine stared at her for a moment. There was a knowing smile on her face.

"Do I know you?" he said while everyone else gathered around her.

"No, not yet," she said before walking away.

Rose raised her eyebrow when the woman stopped a moment and blew him a kiss. Jack grinned and walked over to her.

"Hiya," he said to her.

"Hello," the woman purred.

"Jack Harkness, you?"

The woman hesitated a moment and the Doctor frowned when she looked directly at him.

"Gloria," she finally said.

"Gloria, very pretty," Jack said. "So…are you single?"

"No. I'm married," she said.

"Darn. Is it a solid marriage?" Jack said.

Once again, "Gloria" looked at the Doctor.

"Yes, very solid," she said to Jack while looking at the Doctor. "I need to go though, I need to meet my husband and…"

"River!"

She froze and everyone turned to see a man running towards them. He was young, wearing a tweed jacket with brown trousers, shirt and red bow tie. He froze when he saw Nine. His gaze then shifted to Rose and Nine frowned when he saw a momentary look of longing on his face before he went past them to Gloria.

"What are you doing?" he hissed at her when he reached her side.

"I was saying hello," she said innocently to him.

The man looked at Jack.

"Oh no, you don't need to say hello to this one," the man said, taking Gloria's arm.

"Hey, you don't even know me, buddy," Jack said angrily to him.

"Oh, I know you all too well. Come along, River," the man said, tugging on her arm.

"Wait, you know me all too well? What the hell does that mean? Do I know you?" Jack said, stepping in front of them.

"Jack, let them go," Nine growled at him.

"Yeah, but this guy acts like he knows me," Jack said to Nine as he turned towards him.

Nine looked past him to the young man. His mind connected with his and he communicated with his older self.

What are you doing here? He thought to Eleven.

Accidental meeting. I'm just getting my companion and taking her away before she lands up in Jack's bed, Eleven thought back. Leaving now. Look after Rose for me.

I will, Nine thought back.

"What's going on? Why is everyone just staring at each other?" Mickey said.

"Everyone here is gorgeous and I can't get enough of looking at their faces," Eleven said to him. "Well, we're leaving now so have a good day."

He started to walk off with River but Rose stepped into his path and Eleven froze, a familiar longing for her rising in his hearts.

"Rose, step away," Nine said to her.

Eleven raised his eyebrow. The way she was looking at him, did she know who he really was? Could she see past his face and into his eyes and see his true identity. She was staring at him silently but Eleven swore she was on the verge of working out who he really was.

"Rose, step…away," Nine growled at her.

Rose hesitated a moment before backing up. But she kept her eyes on him, so much so that Eleven finally had to force himself to look away. River was giving him an odd look but he tugged on her arm and muttered at her to follow him. He muttered a good day to everyone and they walked past.

Nine watched his older self go before glancing at Rose. She was watching him walk away and he also sensed that somehow she knew who he really was. He took her hand and squeezed it and she finally looked at him. He smiled at her tenderly and Rose smiled back and with one last glance at Eleven, drew near to him.

"Come on, let's go find something else to do," Nine said to everyone.


End file.
